Deliverance from satan
Abortion Story
Post-Partem Depression Misdiagnosis

GUY AND I WERE BOTH BEYOND DESPERATE with the circumstances of our own private lives. Sergeant and off-duty pastor, Kevin Brown, arrived at our home for a visit several days following the Good Friday gang shooting to speak to about what had occurred. Upon his departure, he invited us to a healing service where he would be preaching. Unbeknownst to him, our family was in great need. However, God knew, and in His great compassionate wisdom, He sent this godly man to us. We immediately accepted Kevin’s invitation with a heartfelt yes! The church service was about an hour’s drive, but I would have driven for a thousand hours to get the help I needed. A friend of mine kindly jumped in to watch out for kids so that Guy and I could visit the church. When we arrived, a sermon was given; but to be honest, I don’t remember the words that were shared. I just remember going forward for prayer after the preaching. I had decided I wasn’t leaving the altar until God met me. I can’t recall exactly what I said to God, but He knew my desperation and met me there.

Many people had come to the front for prayer as well. Pastor Kevin made his way to me and prayed, but at first nothing seemed to happen. He continued praying down a long line of people while I continued to wait for God’s visitation. Eventually, Pastor Kevin came back to me, and I involuntarily dropped to the floor. Without any control over my body, I began slithering down the aisle like a snake. I was completely aware and heard Pastor Kevin’s commands, “In the name of Jesus, OUT!” as my strange serpent-like movements manifested to my utter shock. I couldn’t stop my body from slithering or my teeth from gnashing.

I had no idea whatsoever that I was being tormented by demons throughout my season of “postpartum depression,” yet suddenly, they were very obviously controlling my body. As Pastor Kevin commanded the demons out in Jesus’ name, they finally left me, and I eventually lay slain (unable to move) on the ground for about an hour. It was as if I were glued to the floor in a spiritual daze, and I couldn’t even lift my pinky finger. Pastor Kevin’s wife, Teresa, patiently and gently ministered to me and prayed over me while I just lay there in the aisle. In shock, I was eventually able to lift myself from the floor. All I could say to Guy was, “What in the world just happened?” We both hoped this would be the end of my torment, but my journey to freedom was not complete. On the long drive home that night, I did not feel a sense of joy but instead was simply embarrassed and perplexed. What had just happened to me? That night, at about two a.m., I awakened to the shuffling sound of footsteps coming down our hallway, and I heard these words clear as day: “WE’RE BACK!” I was terrified. I knew those voices all too well. However, I hadn’t known the source of the voices prior to the church service. The manifesting demons had been taunting and harassing me fat too long. To put it mildly, this was truly horrifying! Upon awakening, I frantically called Pastor Kevin to tell him about the satanic re-visitation that had transpired during the night. He let me know that demons work by fear and reassured me that there was hope
in overcoming them. With open arms, he invited me to come to his and Teresa’s home for the weekend to learn about spiritual warfare. How could I have gone from being diagnosed with postpartum depression to struggling with demon oppression or even possession? It seemed like a bad nightmare. All I wanted was to wake up free. This spiritual realm was a frightening mystery to me and to Guy as well. Guy’s immediate reaction to Pastor Kevin’s invitation was, “GO, GO, GOI!!!” I packed a small bag and drove to Pastor Kevin and Teresa’s home, desperate for answers and help. I slept in their guest bedroom, and while in their home, another evil thought kept creeping into my mind: Go kill the policeman!

I knew Pastor Kevin’s kind intention was to help me, and I desperately wanted this murderous thought to stop aunting me. I tossed and turned and kept saying in my mind, I don’t want to kill anyone! I don’t want to kill anyone! Finally, I drifted off to sleep. Darkness was fighting to keep me buried in its putrid lies with its tormenting evil thoughts. however, it was becoming more obvious to me that God, in His goodness, was most certainly unveiling His love
and truth. Teresa, in her amazing compassion, was not intimidated by the battle and tenderly cared for me with food, walks, and, most importantly, Scripture. One of the most profound verses she wrote out on an index card for me was: “So will My word be which goes forth from My mouth; It will not return to Me empty, without accomplishing what I
desire, And without succeeding in the matter for which I sent it” (New American Standard Bible, Isaiah 55:1 1).
I went home from that weekend feeling very grateful for their love and care, but the battle was not over quite yet. The next morning, when J awoke in our home, I heard very loud voices again, like a horde of demons, screaming, “DEMON POSSESSED!” Before I could grab Guy, my Bible, ot my phone for help, the Lord declared His truth over me and pushed back against the darkness with an astounding proclamation of victory. These beautiful words boldly came to me: “My unfailing love for you will not be shaken. Jesus is your covenant of peace!” At that moment, I had no idea what I was
the hearing was truth from the following Scripture: “For the mountains may be removed and the hills may shake, But My lovingkindness will not be removed from you, And My covenant of peace will not be shaken,’ Says the LORD who has compassion on you.”

(New American Standard Bible, Isaiah 54:10) Assuredly, I knew God’s voice was stronger than the enemy’s, so |
chose to listen to Jesus. And, just as the Scripture declared that God’s Word shall accomplish what He desires, the Lord accomplished what He pleased in me. Satan, the enemy of my soul, was desperately trying to destroy me, but the Spirit of the Lord raised up a standard against the devil. God was always fighting for me, but it was up to me to choose what I would believe and whose voice I would follow. It wasn’t until later that I found my God-given victory promise was in part from the above verse (Isaiah 54:10). | Choosing Jesus was the best decision I have ever made. Honestly,
there were times I would slip back into the dark place of fear, where Jesus would quickly rescue me. I would wonder, What in the tarnation happened to me? Was I a modern-day Mary Magdalene? When I decided to wholeheartedly trust Him, Jesus truly made me a new woman. I[ humbly confessed and sincerely repented of the depth of my sin. I
believed and received the Gospel message of Jesus’s death, burial, and resurrection. The New Covenant promise in Ezekiel 36 became alive and one of my most precious conversion Scriptures. I literally, by faith, took God at His Word; and in time, I learned to take every thought captive to the obedience of Christ. God’s “I will” in Ezekiel 36:25-
29 became mine! It was as if He spoke each individual “I will” to me. As I studied the New Covenant promise, both ratified and guaranteed

by the precious blood of Jesus, my faith soared. I embraced the beautiful truth that Jesus, unfailing love Himself, intends to fulfill the following promise to every needy soul who believes: “Then I will sprinkle clean water on you, and you will be clean; I will cleanse you from all your filthiness and from all your idols. Moreover, I will give you a new heart and put a new spirit within you; and I will remove the heart of stone from your flesh and give you a heart of flesh. I will put My Spirit within you and cause you to walk in My statutes, and you will be careful to observe My ordinances. You will live in the land that I gave to your forefathers; so, you will be My people, and I will be your God. Moreover, I will save you from all your uncleanness; and I will call for the grain and multiply it, and I will not bring a famine on you.”
(New American Standard Bible, Ezekiel 36:25-29, emphasis mine) Jesus gloriously saved me. He cleansed me from all my filthiness and idols just as He promised. What I could not do, He did. He gave me a new heart and a new spirit. He rescued me from a pit of my own making. He freed me from demons and Satan’s dominion. The more I experienced His holiness, the more I became aware of the sinfulness of my past choices. The long history of my shameful and evil lifestyle was indeed quite humbling. God’s heart was not to condemn me but rather to set me free from my slavery to sin. God’s purpose was to reconcile me to Himself through His love in Jesus Christ. Learning about the New Covenant of Jesus and His cleansing power, I yearned to be baptized with the Holy Spirit. To this day, I don’t |

completely understand if I was fully possessed by demons as an unbeliever or simply oppressed by those foul spirits. I can’t tell you the exact moment that I became a Christian either. I seemingly made efforts to follow Jesus on some level for a long time before experiencing my deliverance from the demonic horror. And I always came up short! There are deep mysteries of faith far too complex for me to understand; and at the same time, there are other truths that couldn’t be more simple or obvious.

I do know that Jesus was the only One with the power to cleanse me and fill me with a new spirit – and bless me with His precious Holy Spirit. For that, I will be eternally grateful. One of the most beautiful and profound truths that the Holy Spirit imparted to me in my conversion was that I am a child of God. I embraced these truths in Romans 8:15-16 and John 1:12:

“For you have not received a spirit of slavery leading to fear again, but you have received a spirit of adoption as sons by which we cry out, ‘Abba! Father!’ The Spirit Himself testifies with our spirit that we are children of God…”

(New American Standard Bible, Romans 8:15-16) “But as many, as received Him, to them, He gave the right to become children of God, even to those who believe in His name…”

(New American Standard Bible, John 1:12)

My level of confidence in my Father’s love soared to new heights. I began to understand things I had tried to understand for years. I finally lived in the place of celebrating that God is my Father and I am His daughter. As His beloved child, He offered me salvation through the death, burial, and resurrection of Jesus. It was all a great act of love. The Father, Son, and Holy Spirit destroyed the works of the devil in my life; and finally, after years of longing, I was filled with joy! The evil, tormenting thoughts of the past thankfully stopped harassing me. However, on occasion, the devil seeks to devour God’s children by introducing his fiery darts. The “tempter” does not give up easily, but our Father is the keeper of our souls. Clinging to Jesus and surrendering with loyalty and devotion, my life is radically changed. Jesus is my Victor – no more voices, no more suicidal temptations, no more evil thoughts to harm others, and no more antidepressant medication. I have truly been made new. Despite my initial excitement about my newfound freedom, I realized that walking it out was a marathon, not a sprint. I continuously learned new things about Jesus as He opened my eyes to different areas where I needed to grow. It was a journey and still is. When I first encountered God’s newness, I would take regular four-mile walks and play throughout the streets of Santa Ana, California. Although I no longer attend the Catholic church, I loved and still do pray this beautiful prayer: Lord, make me an instrument of your peace: where there is hatred, let me sow love; where there is injury, pardon; where there is doubt, faith;

where there is despair, hope; | where there is darkness, light; where there is sadness, joy. O divine Master, grant that I may not so much seek to be consoled as to console, to be understood as to understand, to be loved as to love. For it is in giving that we receive, it is in pardoning that we are pardoned, and it is in dying that we are born to eternal life.

Amen. After so many years of torment, this prayer was the sincere cry of my heart. I would also pray for God’s Word, using Scripture as my prayers. One special passage that I embrace and often share with others 1s: “Now may the God of peace Himself sanctify you entirely; and may your spirit and soul and body be preserved complete, without blame at the coming of our Lord Jesus Christ. Faithful is He who calls you, and He also will bring it to pass” (New American Standard Bible, 1 Thessalonians 5:23-24). I trained my mind and heart to lean into what God was saying through His Word and His loving, gentle voice. On occasion, He pointed out sin within me that was terribly painful to recognize, but the opportunity to repent always took me into deeper levels of freedom and healing.

One day, I had taken our kids to a nearby park, where I stood on the walking path and watched them as they played. Suddenly, I was overcome with this piercing awareness of a heinous sin I’d committed yeats ago. I had gotten pregnant long before I met Guy; and as a young, single woman, I was terrified about having a baby alone. Living in fear and desperation, I decided to go to an abortion clinic on Main Street in Santa Ana. And just like that, I let a doctor suck my eight-week fetus out of me and throw it in a trash bin. It was a most disgusting _ and despicable act. At the time, I’d made excuses for my actions; but instantly, the gravity of what I’d done felt like a crushing weight on my conscience. As a mother of several young children, and as a woman now free in Jesus, I was struck with the horrendous realization that what’d done all those years ago was not to be taken lightly or confessed flippantly. It was a blatant sin against God Almighty and my unborn baby. Furthermore, it was not just sin but also outright murder. Abortion is truly an abomination to God! Oh, how my heart grieved at this newfound recognition! I had murdered my precious baby! With a heart full of grief, I confessed my sin and cried out to God, “Father, please forgive me!” Although I had already confessed my sin of abortion years earlier, I had never seen it for what it really was until that day. My Heavenly Father heard my cry and replied to me, “Ask your baby for forgiveness.” How could I ask an aborted baby Jor forgiveness? “Lord,” I said. “I don’t know if it’s a boy or a girl or where it is…”

Again, I heard God say, “Ask your baby for forgiveness.” Tearfully, I poured my heart out to my unborn baby. I confessed my deep sorrow and regret a self-centered choice that never allowed him to ever have a chance to see the blue sky or green grass. I apologized to my baby for not letting him or her grow to be the person God intended. Then, just as distinct as the realization of my past sin, I clearly heard these comforting words from my Father God, ever so loving and gentle: “One day, you will be with your baby in heaven!” My heart fled from grief and clung to joy in that moment. I knew ill! My baby was alive in heaven with Jesus, and we would joyfully be reunited one day. My Father had spoken to my heart, and I was convinced it was true! Glory! God healed me right then and there. I most certainly regretted my choice to abort; however, the pain, shame, and deep grief vanished that day. “He heals the brokenhearted [a]nd binds up their wounds” (New American Standard Bible, Psalm 147:3). The Lord impressed on my heart that the demonic thoughts I’d had about killing myself and our children were actually rooted in abortion. When I’d killed my unborn child, I was partnering with the devil and inviting the spirit of death and murder into my life. As a young person, I had welcomed other forms of evil into my life as well. [ had attended seances, consulted fortune-tellers, played twisted sexual games with other girls, used Ouija boards, and sadly opened other doors to Satan’s dominion in my life. I was also very aware that my dad and some extended family members were thirty-second degree Freemasons and participated in evil practices. (Later on, I learned that

Freemasonry is a cult, and I became astutely aware of its detrimental effects on families.) As a little girl, I viewed my first pornographic image in a Playboy magazine in my dad’s stained grey dresser drawer. I was captivated by the sexual images and would secretly revisit that place and retrieve the magazine to gaze upon perverse photographs when no one was in immediate proximity. I knew it was wrong and felt dirty viewing it, but the draw I felt was intense Just like a drug addict starting with weed, then moving up the drug ladder to the “hard stuff” like heroin or fentanyl, the sexual images that would now repulse me provoked a hunger and thirst for more. I explored sexually into my high school and some early adult years, performing sexual acts with women – always under the excuse of “practicing” for future heterosexual relationships. Porn had led me to perversion, which in turn led me to that abortion clinic and to the murderous death of my unborn baby. It’s all connected. Sin leads to death, and we must be acutely aware of that. Fortunately, as I connected more and more to God’s heart, He continuously mentored me and taught me how my earlier choices led to repugnant spiritual consequences later in my life. The source of the demonic torture I’d suffered started to surface and finally make sense. (By the way, PARENTS, these diabolical behaviors and activities are extremely destructive. When left unattended, they can possibly be fatal – both physically and spiritually. We have a God-given responsibility to protect, not neglect, our children. El lurks within and without, sometimes in secret places and sometimes in the open air. It can come under the guise of pastoral care, some photographers who do child modeling/ photoshoots or commercials, child predators, molesters, or familial incest. Open-ended online exploration can lead to viewing pornography, playing evil video games, reading occult material, listening to music with satanic ‘Promotion or influence,

etc. Being captivated by celebrity “heroes” who might promote false religions, sorcery, witchcraft, rebellion, idolatrous seduction, drug use, and more must be completely avoided. One day, parents will stand accountable for the raising of their children, who they either entrusted to God Almighty or to the god of this world.)

As a young person, I was not protected or shielded from evil. I remember simply being told, “Come home before the streetlights come on.” However, as I grew older, I ultimately had to take personal responsibility for my own choices and for the sin that led me to play with the devil and his demons. Before being delivered from the demonic oppression/possession in my life, I had spent years in vanity, ‘pride, and immorality. I was always looking out for myself; I came first. Yet, as I allowed the Lord to take the number one place in my life, He lovingly and gently brought me to deeper levels of freedom. My transformation was nothing short of a miracle.

On August 10th, 1997, my fortieth birthday, something spectacular happened! I knew God was a good Father who loved to give good gifts, so I decided to ask Him for a bitthday present. At that time, I deeply desired the gift of tongues through the baptism of the Holy Spirit. I had already been filled with His Spirit at conversion; however, during my studies, I learned that Jesus could baptize me in a new way. With the baptism of the Holy Spirit, I could receive my own Heavenly language as well as “power from on high.” “And behold, I am sending forth the promise of My Father upon you; but you are to stay in the city until you are clothed with power from on high” (New Awmerican Standard Bible, Luke 24:49, emphasis mine).

I initially believed that this baptism could enhance solely my worship, witness, and intercessory ptayer time. Yet, with further probing during my studies regarding the baptism of the Holy Spirit, God revealed even greater insight. In Charles G. Finney’s book on Christian holiness, The Promise of the Spirit, he wonderfully expressed deep revelation about this Holy Spirit baptism as well as the New Covenant promise. These magnificent truths so captivated my mind and heart, which led me on an eamest pursuit: “I am satisfied that this truth is abundantly taught in the Bible and that the Baptism of the Holy Ghost is the secret of the stability of Christian character,” “The apostles appear to have been entitely different men after the baptism from what they were before. They had been converted and called to the ministry and enjoyed the personal instructions of Christ, previous to His death; and yet they remained amazingly ignorant and ill-qualified for the work to which they were called until they were baptized by the Holy Ghost at the day of Pentecost. This baptism did not by any means fespect principally the working of miracles as some seem to have supposed, for they possessed the powet of working miracles before. But its main design and bearing were to fill them with light and love and power in preaching the Gospel. And as I said, after this baptism they appear to have been in almost every respect entirely different men from what they were before.”? Oh, how I deeply longed for this gift!

During this season of longing, I was enjoying time at Newport Beach on a beautiful summer day, when suddenly the lifeguards announced to the crowds that there was a missing child. They were carefully seatching the area while others assisted. I could hear the urgency in the lifeguards’ voices, and I began praying for the missing child. It was then that I met a woman named Deanna who also was praying. (Thankfully, the precious child was soon found unscathed!) As Deanna and I began to connect and chat, I quickly realized that this stranger was my new sister in Christ. During our conversation, she kindly invited me to a women’s conference at her church on August 10th, and I joyfully accepted her invitation! On my fortieth birthday, Deanna and I sat together at her church, listening with great excitement and anticipation as a woman from Canada spoke. God proved Himself a loving Father, yet again, as He granted me my heart’s birthday desire! After the conference speaker shared about the Holy Spirit, she invited anyone who wanted to receive _the baptism of the Holy Spirit to come forward. Talk about divine timing! As the speaker prayed for me, I felt God’s presence as I began to speak in a mysterious language I did not recognize. On my way home, I practiced my new Heavenly language; then I suddenly began declaring the interpretation of my tongues without realizing what I was doing. I was speaking words in my new language; and unbeknownst to me (until Deanna later told me), I was receiving the translation back to myself in English: “Rest in the Lord! Rest in the Lord!” And that, I did. God had been so metciful and gracious to bless me with His beautiful gift. I was awestruck. I rested in the Lord and celebrated my best birthday present ever, a greater measure of the beloved Holy Spirit.

SIDENOTE: | believe I would be remiss if I didn’t include an important aside here. Many women are diagnosed with Postpartum depression just as I was diagnosed as a young mother. My doctor told me it was common for women with postpartum depression to having thoughts of suicide and harming their babies. Prior to my deliverance, due to my homicidal /suicidal thoughts, a psychiatrist considered prescribing lithium for me with the additional possible diagnosis of bipolar disorder. In my individual case, psychiatry’s diagnoses of bipolar and postpartum depression/possible psychosis were profoundly erroneous as were the man-made medicinal remedies that accompanied them. Thankfully, my Heavenly Father brilliantly exposed the truth and darkness. Even though medication is often the go-to solution for people’s torment, drugs are not always the answer. In my years of research, I found a startling article that reported an estimated forty million Americans to take psychiatric drugs.‘ If this information is indeed even close to factual, it is astounding! T am hopeful there are doctors who give women appropriate and accurate diagnoses as pertains to postpartum depression; however, sometimes there are other factors involved in the negative thoughts that may haunt women after childbirth. Obviously, that was very much the case for me. I have a unique history, as do others. I will not deny my story, nor keep it silent. If I had believed the postpartum depression and possible bipolar diagnosis, I may still be on medication today. While truly believing there was something radically wrong, I had no peace in psych meds as my remedy. Refusing the lithium Prescription and having already discontinued the antidepressant I’d been taking, I was able to become drug-free and have remained drug-free for nearly twenty-five years, My God-ordained deliverance is what freed me from deep, dark mental torment — of drugs. The goodness and power of God in Jesus’ name cast out the darkness which held

me captive for years. I was totally liberated in Jesus. No words can ever express the depths of my gratitude.

Through my experiences, I’ve learned that we need to be extremely careful not to treat spiritual conditions with drugs meant for physical conditions. Working as an RN over the years, I encountered various women in a postpartum depression support groups who had aborted one, two, or even sometimes three or more of their babies before giving birth to other children who they decided to keep. They were undoubtedly affected by those abortions; and being a nurse, I often wondered if their diagnoses were given in error. Perhaps they too were tormented by a spirit of murder and/or death. Treating a demonic issue with medication can actually make things worse. In fact, psychiatric medication can cause suicidal thoughts and exacerbate other issues.

On the flip side, I do not advocate stopping meds without the involvement of a doctor. Guy and I are acutely aware of the delicate topic we have broached here, and we acknowledge that psychiatric diagnoses and medications can be very serious. By no means do we ever recommend that anyone abruptly stop his or her psych meds without the strict medical oversight of the prescribing physician. Please hear me loud and clear: Whether medication is given in error or not, suddenly coming off of psychotropic medication can be very dangerous. I made the mistake of abruptly stopping my antidepressants before my deliverance because of how numb J felt. I declared, “God, I’m not taking another pill. I just need you! I only want to find my joy in Jesus.” While my desire for God was good and my oppressive condition was a spiritual one that medication could not treat, my decision to suddenly stop taking antidepressants was not done with a doctor’s guidance. My side effects (increased suicidal thoughts) and ineffectiveness resulted in my decision to stop the antidepressant. It’s worth repeating: Psychiatric medications are very serious mind-altering drugs, and it is imperative to be very careful if/when the decision is made to stop or decrease the dosage. At times, the introduction of psych meds, change of dosage, or discontinuation of these meds can cause severe side effects such as suicidal/homicidal ideations. It is critical that anyone taking or dispensing these psych meds must carefully read the medication insert and be informed of all possible side effects. With that, I challenge you to question diagnoses given by doctors that may be band-aids to deep, spiritual problems. I would advise asking lots of questions and seriously praying before taking psychiatric medication, There are those who will remain on their meds. No judgment here. But I implore you if you are taking medication and my story leads you to question if your Situation is spiritual, proceed prayerfully and wisely. Even if your problem is a Spiritual one, it can quickly turn into a physical one as well if you quit your meds cold turkey. I hope my story can bring freedom to women who might be tormented by past sin, just as I experienced freedom. But if my story were to lead another person to act rashly in an “act of faith” that ended up in severe medical consequences, my heart would grieve deeply. The mama in me felt compelled to insert this caution to make sure that all our precious readers stay safe.